Are your twenties really that great?
The lies (and occasional truths) pop culture tells
Like many of my generation, I grew up watching Friends.
I was only eleven when the series ended but had already made a ritual of sitting down with my older siblings to catch the new episodes on Thursday nights. (A perk of being the youngest child—I got to stay up late and take in a lot of “mature” television about American twenty-somethings.)
The first episode I ever saw was one where Ross buys a pair of tight leather pants in an effort to look cool. He goes to the bathroom partway through a date and takes off the pants only to discover he can’t get them back on. As he says in a panicked phone call to Joey, either the pants have shrunk, or his legs have “expanded from the heat.”
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go to YouTube right now and type the phrase “paste pants” into the search bar. It is, to this day, one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen on television.
After that, I was hooked. I caught all the reruns I could. I asked for the DVD boxsets for Christmas and brought them to other kids’ houses for sleepovers. And as I watched the six friends go through life, all the while inching closer to adulthood myself, I thought, Man, I can’t wait to grow up and sit around in a coffee house all day. Look how much fun they’re having!
Being twenty-something looked amazing. Sure, there would be breakups, career setbacks, maybe some roommate drama. But this would be a meager price to pay for such a vast sense of unencumbered freedom and joy!
Right? Right??
Oh, sweet summer child
My own twenties were marked by incredible friendships, big adventures, and yes, a lot of fun. It was also a time of not-infrequent emotional turmoil.
I could never decide anything—where to live, what to study, who to date, whether I should really spend all my money on a one-way ticket to New Zealand, etc. And the decisions I did make were sometimes pretty bad ones.
For me, this had a lot to do with my then-undiagnosed ADHD. But broadly speaking, I think it’s fairly normal for life to suck in your twenties. (Not all the time, hopefully—but definitely some of the time.) That’s because life is hard, and twenty-four-year-olds have had barely any practice at it.
It’s worth noting that I say this from a place of privilege. I had a wonderfully-long childhood and never had to take on any responsibilities I wasn’t ready for. Sadly, this isn’t the case for everyone. I get that some people have to grow up faster.
In general, though, your twenties are kind of a gong show. And maybe that’s okay.
When pop culture gets it right
Over the last decade or so, pop culture has begun to paint twenty-somethings (and even thirty-somethings) with a bit more honesty.
Think of shows like Broad City and Fleabag, whose chaotic protagonists often make poor (hilarious) life choices. Or books like Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams, Ghosts by Dolly Alderton, and Really Good, Actually by Monica Heisey. These stories capture the adventure (dare I say, magic?) of life in your twenties. They also capture the pain.
Another book I’ve been obsessed with lately is Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead by Emily Austin, which is about a broke twenty-eight-year-old named Gilda with crippling anxiety and a persistent preoccupation with death.
I know it doesn’t sound like this book would be very funny, but trust me—it is! Gilda’s misadventures are heartbreaking and hilarious. (Notably, she stumbles into a job doing admin for a Catholic church, which is somewhat problematic considering that she identifies as an atheist lesbian.) Importantly, Gilda’s challenges feel real.
Mental health issues often bubble up during early adulthood. This is a messy time, people! Can we normalize the struggle, please?
Crafting relatable (i.e. messy) characters
I really tried to embrace this kind of “chaotic twenty-something” energy when I was crafting the characters for my own book, Favorite Daughter.
Arlo, one of the two protagonists, is twenty-five when the story begins. While it may look like she has her life together—she’s a psychologist, after all—on the inside, she’s an absolute disaster. And we see some of that internal havoc play out in the work she does with her clients.
Mickey, meanwhile, is a few years older but no closer to having her shit together. She’s a caring, talented schoolteacher. She also has $181 to her name and a problem she’s not quite ready to face. And her life is about to spiral in a big way.
Check out a sneak peek here:
End notes
Currently reading: Green Dot by Madeleine Gray. More thoughts to come!
How are/were your twenties? Fun? Chaotic? Both? Hit reply or drop me a comment to let me know. And thanks as always for reading.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider forwarding it to a friend. I’ll be sending these letters a few times per month in the lead-up to my book’s publication. Find me at morgandick.com or on Instagram @morgandick_author for more.
I also loved Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead!!! Verrrrrrry curious to know what you think of Green Dot. Friends really lead me to believe that I would spend 90% of my adult life hanging out with friends in a coffee shop. So sad that never came to pass!