When life gives you insomnia...
...make some weird art? On sleepless nights and coping with personal limitations
I haven’t been myself lately.
I’ve been coping with a rough bout of insomnia the last month or so, and although I’m now turning a corner—thank God—the whole thing has left me really drained. I’ve been anxious and tired. I’ve missed work. And I haven’t been able to write as much as I would like, which has made me really sad.
It has also opened an unexpected door.
Whenever I can’t sleep, I’m supposed to get out of bed and do something mildly enjoyable until I feel tired again (per my doc’s advice). The activity shouldn’t be too stimulating, which means no reading or writing. I tried working through a crossword puzzle for the first few nights, but then I got stuck and had to find something else to do. (If anyone knows the name of a German supermarket chain that’s four letters long and starts with A, let a girl know??)
And that, my friends, is how I came to making these weird drawings on pieces of scrap paper at three in the morning!
I did a lot of art as a kid but haven’t touched a proper sketchbook in probably a decade. And although none of these drawings are great works of art, I really enjoyed the process of doing them! (Separate and apart from my exhaustion and frustration at the aforementioned not-sleeping.) It felt like tapping into an aspect of my creativity I’d forgotten.
A side effect of getting a book deal and being paid to write is that now it sometimes feels like work. Joyful, deeply meaningful work that I am privileged to do—but work nonetheless. These little pieces of weird art are just for me.
And they don’t have to be good! No one else has to like my drawings or even look at them. I love that! Which is why I’ve now taken to doing little bits of art at quiet moments during the day as well as at three in the morning.
I’m grateful to be feeling (and sleeping) a bit better now. And I’m starting to accept that my ADHD brain works at a different pace, that these seasons of lower productivity—and perhaps insomnia—will always come and go.
When the sleepless nights do arrive, I’ll have my pencils ready.
End notes
Currently reading: Happy All the Time by Laurie Colwin, originally published in 1978. A warm and funny time-capsule of a book about friendship, coming-of-age, and the pursuit of love.
Currently listening to: Rachel Thompson’s podcast, Write, Publish, and Shine. Her recent interview series with writers who face limitations (whether that’s a disability, a chronic illness, neurodivergence, or something else entirely) has made me feel less alone as I navigate life’s ups and downs.
Do your personal limitations hold you back from being as productive or creative as you’d like? How do you cope? I’d love to hear in the comments. And thanks as always for reading.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider forwarding it to a friend. I’ll be sending these letters a few times per month in the lead-up to my book’s publication. Find me at morgandick.com or on Instagram @morgandick_author for more.
Is it Aldi? I love drawing as a creative outlet!! I’m also big time into reorganizing when I get in a rut. You know how much I’m struggling based on how neat my linen closet is!!
A-L-D-I. If only it would come here!